Mental Health ch.2 - Recovering from Epilepsy

Tuesday, May 7 2019

Location: Wexham Park Hospital - Slough

Time: Late evening

How I got there, I don't remember. What I did before. I don't remember either...The only thing I remember is what I did the weekend before entering the hospital, with my family.

We spent a few days with friends and family in Greece, we celebrated my son's Christening, we had an amazing time in Athens with friends and enjoyed the spring weather during the last days of April. Then, it was time to return to our routine, back in the UK, in the dark cloudy weather, in the not so sunny days, as we used the last couple of weeks. We took the last flight from Athens, on Friday, May 3rd, and we landed in London Heathrow, at 21.30.

Next day we did some shopping and spent the weekend with friends in the town. The problem is that leaving Greece this time, was too emotional. Every time is emotional when you leave your motherland to go to another place, but it's something that has to be done. We couldn't stop talking about this, and that had as a result, to stress me a lot. I can handle stress, but I cannot handle my emotions, and especially when it comes to my family and my loved ones.

My epilepsy medication is too strong. I asked for it, in order to be able to continue and live my life the way I want, without the need to change it drastically. And as of every day, that day, on Tuesday May 7th, I took my medication, and took the bus and then the train to work. I wasn't feeling very well, first of all because I was returning to work after two weeks of holidays, and second, my head was about to explode. My job besides mixing and mastering, is IT Project Management. I don’t like it as it’s very stressful, and not really helps my condition. Another reason I don’t like it, it’s because I work with people who don’t really care about the job and what we actually working for, so that makes it even more difficult that it it. And it wasn’t long after I arrived at the office, when I started losing contact with reality, and my consciousness. After many hours I woke up in the hospital. Surrounded by people I thought I knew for many years. This is the paradox of epilepsy. Plays games with your mind. People I never knew in my life, doctors, nurses, now were more familiar that ever.

I stayed in the hospital for a week. For the first few days, I couldn’t move, speak, eat or even drink. My muscles have worked overtime from the seizures I had the previous day, and during the seizure I bit my tongue, several times. As a result, my ability to speak, had been affected to the maximum, and my oral cavity had a serious problem for the next few days. I was feeding via a drip-feed for the first 48 hours.

When I started to recover and regain my strength, I started to have some serious talks with myself. Why I am here again? Why it happened again? Where I want to be next? I have a family and a very young and happy child. Do I want it to see it grow happy and healthy? And many more of these question? But no answer. I was so tired, that the only thing I needed was to sleep. But I was dreaming that I was coming out of the hospital, traveling with my family with big luxury yacht, had everything I need, I had already quit my tedious job, and my focus was my family, my kid, my wife, my life, my future, and my personal business. When I woke up I started to plan everything. Where I am, where I want to be, and how to achieve these goals. I didn’t like my current state, I didn’t like the way I was living, I wanted to improve my life for my, my wife and build a good life for my kid.

From now on, I will work every day, to achieve these goals. I have a plan. Small steps, always make small things to help me relax and keep my mind busy and calm, and never derail from the final target, which is to make my family happy and my business Vowlume Productions a successful business in the creative industry. In this journey of recovery, I can tell that things were very difficult. With no friends around anymore, as after that incident I cleared my friend list a lot, as although they knew what happened, they never sent a text, or a line on social media to tell me “Hey man, we are here for you”, people who were having dinners and beers together. I was never expecting that. Although, I received support messages from people I was never expecting I would receive, and I will never forget. These unexpected messages, gave me strength, and willing to carry on and moving on and see and think more clearly. It was time for me to quit IT and chase my dream job by committing full time to music production, mixing and mastering. Put all my energy to my business, is a big thing for me and my family, but I am sure that all that will work for the better good for all of us at the end.

I will always be grateful to my lovely wife, who was there all day and night, to help me and support me in the hospital, and never left me alone, not for a moment. She was there all day every day. I owe everything to this lovely woman, and I am very lucky to have her in my life. I am also lucky to work with some of the best people in the audio industry, who supported me during my recovery. You know who you are guys!!!

The purpose of this article is to grow awareness of Mental Health and epilepsy, in general and in creative arts. I am not trying to advertise or anything. I believe, by describing my personal experience, I can help other people to come out with their story, and all together have a strong voice supporting each other.